Sunday, July 11, 2010

Kowalski's Perfect World

In a land, far far away, there was a perfect kingdom called Kowalskistan.

Their King, HRH Walter I (aka the Vainglorious) has recently given to the people a new constitution; one intended to ensure basic freedoms and ensure that their financial system would not rob the working men & women of their labors. The financial system is a different one than any that exist today, one designed to reward the hard working. Here's an overview of Walterian Economic Reforms:

* Fair Wage Amendment: In any company that employs ten or more full time employees, or is a publicly traded company, must not pay any one employee any more than eight times that of any other employee. Any company with less than ten full time employees is exempt from this rule. Any company wherein all employees earn the national Per Capita amount (as determined by the Currency Board) shall be exempt.

* Finite Resource Amendment: Any finite natural resource (usually mineral or oil) is the property of the Kingdom's people; any profits derived from these resources shall be divided equally among the adults of the Kingdom. These resources are a limited gift from the Almighty and shall be shared equally among all of the people therein.

* Currency Amendment: The Currency of the Realm shall be printed by the Currency Board, who's responsibility is to mint currency and determine how much shall be minted based upon a quarterly reading of the GDP. The currency minted or printed shall be equally divided amongst the Kingdom's people therein; a check shall be mailed by the Board to all adult Kowalskistanis. The Board shall print or mint the currency every three months (if needed) in this manner: The Board shall determine the amount of GDP increase every quarter; they then shall print 1/10th of this amount and distribute it equally among the Kingdom's people. If the Board determines that the economy has not grown, no currency shall be printed or minted. The currency shall be called the Grain Guilder; it will have a worth thus: 100GG will be able to be exchanged for 25 bushels of corn, 15 bushels of wheat, or 125 ft/lb of lumber. At any time the bearer wishes, the Kingdom of Kowalskistan shall exchange one of these grains amounts to the bearer; the particular grain shall be determined by the Kingdom.

* Banking Amendment: All banks in the Kingdom shall not be allowed to loan any more money than they possess to loan out. No bank in the Kingdom shall be bigger than 1% of the total GDP; if it is, the bank shall be broken up into ten smaller banks. The Banking Regulatory Board shall oversee and enforce said rules. Further, all leveraged transactions shall be banned under pain of beheading.

* Tax Amendment: The Kingdom herein forbids taxation upon land and income (no matter the source). In order to raise any tax of any sort, a 2/3rds vote of the people shall be needed. Any tax upon land or income must be approved by a 4/5ths vote of the people on a yearly basis should the government seek to keep the tax intact.

* Government Debt: Debt (actual or implied) can only be taken by the federal government, and must be approved by a 4/5th vote of the people therein on every occasion a debt (actual or implied) is incurred.

The Kowalskistanis, deliriously happy with the Walterian Economic Reforms, have dedicated yet another holiday in the name of the Walter I {the Vainglorious}. It shall be left to posterity (and loyal readers of this humble blog) to pass along judgement of the reforms.


  1. That will never do. You're talking like a highly evolved being.

  2. You lost me on the first 'amendment'. In one foul swoop you have undone property rights and placed the state firmly in command of the populace. The people are servants of an all powerul state that sets arbitrary decrees that all must follow. How are these amendments to be enforced? Who is going to carry the gun that makes it all run this way? What of those who want to make $21 when their employees make $3 or those who want to cut down the trees out back and use them for their own purposes. This isn't a utopia this is a leviathan with different coloured scales than the one we have now.

    You have a picture of Jefferson front and centre and yet you have thrown out individual rights as though they were a passing fancy. They were the bedrock of the man's belief system.

    The only advice I can give: try again.